You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
