You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
