I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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