I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
