Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
