my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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