i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
