she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
