I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Randomize
