In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
