You're a womanizer and a bitch.
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
