when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
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