I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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