Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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