I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
