so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
