Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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