great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
