I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
even my farts smell like vagina
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
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