I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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