Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
