i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
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