and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Randomize
