No awkward lesbian experiences without me
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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