you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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