I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
