if you like me you must not know who I am
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
