Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
