It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
