I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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