You're a womanizer and a bitch.
handjob tips. give me some.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
