I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
