I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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