I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
