I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
