I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Randomize
