I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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