Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
