I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
