I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
