sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
