i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
