Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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