god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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