You smell like stripper and shame
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
