Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
