I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
