I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
