Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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