that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
