I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Randomize
