Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
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