Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
