Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
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